The Evil Tuinkabouter
by Sn-chn
Summary: Kagome's grandpa gets her a Dutch Tuinkabouter for her birthday... But there is something horribly wrong with it... What the hell! An evil garden gnome? Another fic with my 'nii-chan! R&R please! Fifth chapter up! And Fluffy appears!
1. Kagome's Birthday

S@n-ch@n: Hi everyone! I'm back for another story with my brother! And this time it's not gonna be one-shot. No my dear peoples, it's gonna be LONG… I guess.

Sn@ke: And then I must be her bro. Lill' sis-chan here will be the one who will steal the keyboard from me when I am just busy making a great plot so she will screw it up again. THAT's the way how to make a long story…

S@n-ch@n: *whispers* Geez, if you'd just stop harassing the keyboard… It's crying in agony you know… *cries* WHY'D YOU HAVE TO HIT IT THAT HARD!!!

Sn@ke: I am just making sure the characters are appearing on the screen… But let us begin with the story. I suggest we begin with some battle with a lot of blood and gore. Like it?

S@n-ch@n: Ehm… Not exactly… ^^;; I'd like to start of with… Kagome's birthday!! ^_^

Sn@ke: That's soft, we're not making a shojo here. I want a battle with a lot of gore and blood!

S@n-ch@n: And I want to begin with Kagome's birthday!

Sn@ke: We're beginning with a battle!

S@n-ch@n: Birthday! *beats her brother unconscious and locks him up in the cupboard* Ok finally we have some peace and quiet here… *sighs* Ok back to the story. First of… The title!

****

The Evil Garden Gnome (yes I know it says Tuinkabouter above but I'll explain that later on…)

__

Chapter 1

S@n-ch@n: So… I'll start off with Kagome's birthday!

~*~

"Happy Birthday Kagome!" had resounded early in the morning at Higurashi residence. Shouting at a grumpy Kagome who had been asleep 5 seconds ago…

Her family went downstairs, preparing breakfast. She had almost forgot the importance of this day… Her birthday! Forgetting about her early awakening she dressed herself and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. 

Kagome hopped downstairs and saw her family sitting around the table… PRESENTS!

"Oh, my sweet Kagome is growing up…" her mother said and she looked up at Kagome, who had looked away as if she were mad…

"Mo~om… You told me that last year… And the year before that… And before… And it's getting annoying, I feel like I'm becoming a friggin' grandma!"

"Oh dear, it's just that you're growing up so fast… It feels like just yesterday you were just a little baby…"

Kagome sighed, but didn't say anything. After all, that's the way mothers are supposed to act, ne? She sat down at the table and brushed her hair behind her ear. Yes, it was her sixteenth birthday. Sweet sixteen…

"Sis! I got you a present all by myself! I hope you like it…" Souta said, eagerly handing her a little package.

"Of course I'll like it Souta! You're the sweetest brother on earth…" Kagome replied, trying to unwrap the present. After a little fight with the sticky-tape she opened it.

"Oh Souta! That's so cool!" Kagome said happily. In the package was a photo-frame, the photo in it being one of Inuyasha and her. "Though I wonder when you took that picture…" she mumbled…

"I took it a few days ago, when Inuyasha came to get you!" Souta said innocently…

"Kya!! I didn't even know you were awake at that time!" she said, shocked of her little brother's sneakiness… She remembered all too well Inuyasha came for her 4 days ago, all hyped up about some shard rumor… Man, he sure knows to pick the right time… She was sleeping happily in her cozy bed and Inuyasha had come through her window screaming about shard hunts and that she should've been back the evening before. 

Apparently Inuyasha had awakened Souta and he had taken a picture of them when she was either too sleepy or thinking of different ways to yell at Inuyasha… Souta really should be a photographer, the picture was beautiful.

"Thank you, Souta! You're the best!" Kagome exclaimed happily, almost hugging her brother to death.

"O…Kay… Sis… Glad… You… Like… It… Can… You… Please… Let… Me… BREATH… NOW?!" Souta huffed while being suffocated by Kagome.

"OOPS! Sorry…" Kagome blushed three different shades of red and let go of Souta in an instant.

~*~

S@n-ch@n: I thought I heard some noise coming from a certain cupboard… Oh well… Moving on!

~*~

"Kagome, my dear, I have something for you that I got from my mother on my sixteenth birthday. It's been in the family for a very long time and now I want you to have it!" her mother said happily, while she got a little box from beneath her chair. 

Kagome looked at the box and wondered what it could be. Sort of a family inheritance, right? She took of the lit of the box and between wads of cotton wool she saw something glitter. She gasped in awe when she took out a beautiful necklace. She had seen it lots of times, being worn by her mother. It was a simple silver collier with a rose-pendant, the rose being made of little glittering stones. It was simple, but gracious. Kagome had loved it the first time she saw it worn by her mom. And now… It was hers.

"Thanks mom…" she said, silenced by the beauty of the pendant.

"It's all yours, dear. Cherish it and pass it on to your daughter when she turns sixteen…"

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Now I definitely heard something coming from that cupboard…*turns around* 

Chips of wood fly through the air and the green hair of S@n-ch@n's bro becomes visible between the floating dust. The doorknob is stuck between his teeth and with a splinter Sn@ke removes it with a graceful move.

Sn@ke: THAT WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUT ME IN THE CUPBOARD!!!!!!!

S@n-ch@n: *looks terrified* What the… I though I beat you up enough for another half-hour!

Sn@ke: Think again, sis! Now hand over that keyboard! *Keyboard cries for help* Now lemme see, where's the story going? *reads the story* Oh boy… *sweatdrop* MAN, you've really screwed up the plot already. Do you really think that necklace will make any difference to the story?

S@n-ch@n: *laughs maniacally* Of course it will make any difference…It will make ALL the difference… Just wait and see… MUAHAHAHHAAA… *looks around cautiously* Ehm… Forget that laugh. I just promise that the necklace will have something to do with… Something you don't know. Would you promise me you treat the keyboard right? *glare*

Sn@ke: *sweatdrop* sometimes you scare me, sis. But to answer your question: no! *laughs maniacally also* You're not the only devil in here!!!

S@n-ch@n: Aaaaah! What are you going to do with me???!!!! And more importantly: what are you gonna do with the KEYBOARD??!!

Sn@ke: *being quiet and self-controlled* Nothing… let me finish this chapter…

~*~

"Move away, Kagome's mother (how the hell does that grandpa call Kagome's mom?)", Kagome's grandpa yelled with his old voice (if he could), "Nobody will think that necklace will make any difference to any plot whatsoever. I've got something more important that will make a weird change to some plot of hell-do-I-know-which story."

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Ehm… Bro… I don't think that's the way Kagome's grandpa would talk… I mean unless YOU'RE her grandpa… Which I strongly doubt. 

Sn@ke: Allright, allright. I just wanted to exaggerate something to change the plot a bit. But let me continue, the fans are waiting for a joke or something, you're writing way to serious for a humor story.

S@n-ch@n: *sulks* I just wanted this to be decent literature for all of these children that are getting spoiled by stupid anime's like Pokémon!!

Sn@ke: Enfin…

~*~

"Here you go, Kagome", Kagome's grandpa handed her a rather shabby package in some weird shape.

"Eh? Nani yo?"

"Just open it and you'll see."

Kagome went into a fight with the sticky-tape again. This time it was a lot worse, because the packager had wrapped the thing all over with it, like he wanted to keep it from getting free…or he just had a bad sense of humor.

"Ehm…Ojiichan? Could you hand me some scissors?"

"Here you are, Kagome. *Kagome takes the scissors* The thing you are about to see is something very old and has a history that goes back to even before my grandfather's birth. *paper with sticky tape starts flying through the air* It's an artefact from the Netherlands which possesses great power to those who want to use it for good purposes. *a big chunk of sticky-tape and paper smacks in grandpa's face* mbl… as I was saying, these things are often used by the Dutch and are found almost everywhere. It brings good fortune in economics and so. It might be good for your economy-class syndrome."

Kagome took the object from the packaging and looked at it very closely.

"Ojiichan? What the hell is it?

"Ah, I'm glad you asked, it's a garden gnome. In Dutch known as a TUINKABOUTER!"

~*~

Sn@ke: Moto-chan? How the hell are we gonna explain that 'ui' sound in the word 'tuinkabouter'?

S@n-ch@n: Good question, I have no idea. Give it your best shot.

Sn@ke: Okay, here we go. Ahem: This is a small course in pronouncing the word 'tuinkabouter':

Step1: The part 'Tuin', meaning 'garden. the T and the N are pronounced like you would do in languages as English, Dutch, German and even Japanese. The UI-sound is much more difficult. The first mistake most people make is to pronounce it like 'youwee'. You can compare it with the german Ü but even then you're far from the real pronunciation.

Step2: The part 'kabouter', meaning 'gnome'. Say 'ka' like you'll always do in English. 'Bou' is comparable with a sound you'll often hear in chinese, romanised as 'bao'. Sis here says you can also use the 'ou' as in 'ouch', you know, when you're in pain… The 'ter' is pronounced as 'ter' in 'terminator'.

If this doesn't help you can also download a wave-file from: 

http:// www. squadron. web1000. com/ tuinkabouter. Wav

S@n-ch@n: Remove the spaces (FF.net doesn't allow links) and download… You'll hear my sweet brother say "tuinkabouter". 

~*~

"Ah, a tuinkabouter. He looks nice with that pointy hat on his head."

"Yes, in Dutch that hat is called a 'puntmuts' (Just keep it like you say it the English way, I think it will be OK)"

"Puntmuts? Ehm… OK. So this is a kabouter with a puntmuts. And…where do I put it?"

"The Dutch put them in their garden."

"I think it will look very nice next to the pond", Kagome's mother said.

"I will put him there", Kagome said while she took the tuinkabouter outside…

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Ok I guess we should end the chapter here. It's been nice enough, don't you think? Ok just leave us a review and we'll continue ^_^

Sn@ke: Hey? WTF? I didn't even get the chance to put Inuyasha in the story! How the hell do I put a good fight in this story?

S@n-ch@n: I TOLD you the first chapter would be Kagome's birthday…

Sn@ke: OK, but the next chapter will be a big fight with blood and gore. So leave me a review and tell us there should be more fighting so I can get the satisfaction I need. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

End of part 1


	2. Smells Like Youkai

S@n-ch@n: Hello again! Thank you ChristyKay and Jenna! ^_^ You reviewed us! I'm getting you a… cookie? Or just a THANK YOU from me!

Sn@ke: OK, cut the fluffy feelings. This means I need to kill the rest of the world for NOT reviewing our evil tuinkabouter story. And then something else: I need to go to a graduation party in an hour, so I think I start of typing. OK?

S@n-ch@n: :( O… Kay… I guess. Just don't kill the keyboard please… You know, when you _think _it's broke, you just need to hug it and call it sweet names and it'll work again… ^^

Sn@ke: Yeah, sure. Just don't cut it in little pieces with those long fingernails you've got. The keys on the board are getting jagged. ANYWAY, ANYHOW. Let's start this new chapter of the evil tuinkabouter and start of with a fight!!!!!!

S@n-ch@n: WTF? A fight?!! It's Kagome's birthday and you know it. We're gonna start of with a nice conversation between IY and Miroku!

Sn@ke: No, FIRST a fight THEN a conversation!

S@n-ch@n: But who the HELL are they gonna fight and what purpose does it have? Man you guys only want fights… Oww here's a contest for the readers: HOW OLD do you think my brother is?!!

Sn@ke: It will have a function. If it isn't for the story then it's just to illustrate that Inuyasha isn't always sleeping in a tree.

S@n-ch@n: BUT HE _IS_!

Sn@ke: Not today, now let's begin…

****

The Evil Tuinkabouter

__

Chapter 2

"Ha, nice move! For a low youkai like you!", Inuyasha grinned when he jumped around evading some slow moves the centipede youkai made. The bastard had 3 shards embedded in its body, so Inuyasha didn't have any intentions to let him go. Of course anyone knows that Inuyasha needs Kagome to see the shards, but I just needed a nice reason to let him fight the thing (and let my sister shut up)

~*~

S@n-ch@n: OH BOY! This is gonna be a long day… My dear *cough* brother, the comma you put up there needs to be eliminated! ARGH! AND Kagome is the only one who can sense the shards and SEE them… Inuyasha doesn't know where the shards are, how many are in the centipede's body, he can only have a feeling that it had to have its power boosted 'cause the centipede is too strong! Man… You only want a fight for a fight or something? I'M THE ONE WITH THE EXPERIENCE HERE! YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO ME!

Sn@ke: Don't flame me, will ya? I'll promise I make it a short fight.

S@n-ch@n: This is so totally not a flame… I wanna see you receive a flame… You'd go sulking in your room… *giggle* Man you act like you're in kindergarten… ANYWAY! If you wanna have a fight, just wait ' till the time is right! AND that rhymes!!!

Sn@ke: *sweatdrop* let's just continue…

~*~

So the centipede didn't have any shards or something, because Inuyasha can't sense them. It was just attacking the village…(anything to make my sister happy, you should know how much she is correcting me here)(in some or 3 lines she will want a scene change or so to say I'm wrong AGAIN). Inuyasha was glad to have some exercise since it had all been a bit quiet the last weeks.

"And now for my favourite attack: Kaze no Kizu!!!!!!"

The nice flashy sparks and all went flying through the air and the centipede was ripped to pieces.

"Ha, that will teach you not to steal any instant noodles from who whatsoever (I know, bad English, who cares)(S@n-ch@n: I DO!)(Shut up!)

"Nice work, Inuyasha!", Miroku shouted from a distance, "for a moment I thought I had to use my Kazaana."

"Keh! You really think that was needed? I could have killed this guy with two hands tied to my back."

"Yeah, sure. Change of subject, do you know what day it is?"

"The day I slayed this centipede youkai?"

Miroku gave Inuyasha a punch on his head and stated, "Inuyasha, you just broke one of the rules of fancying a girl."

The hanyou in question rubbed his head.

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Can I write? Can I write… Those parts are my favourites!!

Sn@ke: Just a little longer, you can go in some like 5 or 10 lines

S@n-ch@n: BUT! You'll screw the plot or something!

Sn@ke: No, no, I'm just giving you a challenge for writing and putting in some humour. The jokes-

S@n-ch@n: WTF? What are you babbling about man… I wanna write the conversation… You had your stupid fight!

Sn@ke: But it was short! Now just a little longer.

S@n-ch@n: That's what you get when you write fights!

Sn@ke: Okay, but this chapter is doomed to be not fun and so, and now I go away just saying how I hate you and then I am going to party with a lot of my friends and telling them how much I wanted to write and I am going to drink lots of beer and get drunk, because you'll only have to be 16 in Holland to be allowed to do that. Man! What a long sentence! Word is giving it a green grammar line! OK, now I hate you and I leave *stands up and walks through the door and smacks it with a lot of noise*

S@n-ch@n: FINALLY! Victory is mine! My brother doesn't really get the fact that there ARE certain obvious things (like IY can't sense shards) that you have to think about when writing a fic. He says I take it too seriously… He says it's a humour fic and so he thinks you can do everything you want! *sigh* You know, we really had a big fight 1 minute ago… Am I glad he had to go somewhere! I'll go and write now and promise you readers the next chapter will be more story-line than fights between me and my brother… 

~*~

"Miroku… I don't know what the fuck you're implying! I know today is another useless day 'cause Kagome had to get home for her 'birthday' or something… KEH! Shard hunt! That's what matters!"

"Inuyasha… It's Lady Kagome's birthday. Get her something nice!"

"Why the hell would I do that…"

Miroku moved closer to Inuyasha and whispered: "If you ever want to get somewhere with her, get her something for her birthday. She'd never expect it from you, AND it's a personal gift! She'd say *high pitched voice* Oh Inuyasha, that's so sweet! I love you!"

"Fuck off Miroku! Her birthday is 500 years in the future! I've got time…"

"But Inuyasha… It's the perfect occasion to get closer with her…and-"

"WHO EVER SAID I WANTED TO GET CLOSER WITH HER?!!"

*sigh* "Inuyasha… is he being perverted again?" Sango said, walking up to the arguing guys.

"Ah, Sango. What pleasure to see such beauty after an uptight fight…"

"You… BAKA!" Sango hissed at him, smashing his head with her Hiraikotsu. 

"Miroku was talking me into getting something for Kagome's birthday, KEH!"

"You know… It's not that bad an idea!" Sango stated.

"Keh! Just know that I ain't gonna!" Inuyasha said grumpy.

"Whatever! We can just go and visit her!" Sango reasoned, suddenly realising… "What the… HOUSHI!" she yelled and beat the crap out of Miroku.

After a lot of convincing Inuyasha and beating Miroku they all walked up the path towards the well. Inuyasha sneakily picked some flowers for Kagome… Miroku did have a point… ^_~

They joined hands and went through the well, but when they got out (Miroku gained another bump when he "helped Sango") Inuyasha noticed something strange…

"I smell a youkai."

"Now that you mention it, I do sense something…"

Inuyasha got out and sniffed the air, walking the direction of the smell, not noticing where he was going… Meaning he ended up in the pond… 

****

SPLASH

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Inuyasha… You should watch where you're going…"

  
"Whatever! The youkai should be very close to here… Meaning right next to me, actually…"

"Inuyasha! I heard a *splash* and went out to see what happened! Is everyth- What are you doing in the pond??" Kagome questioned, running towards them.

"Chasing a youkai."

"There are no youkai in this time, Inuyasha! Get used to it!"

"I swear I smell something youkai… I actually think *sniff*sniff* it's this THING here…"

"What is that, Lady Kagome?"

"It's a garden gnome, or Tuinkabouter. I got it from my grandpa!" Kagome smiled.

"Hm… Still smells like youkai."

"Oww, come on Inuyasha, it's not possible. Let's go inside! I've got a delicious birthday cake!"

With reluctance Inuyasha went with them. Glancing back at the Tuinkabouter he swore he saw it grin at him evilly. He shook it off and looked again. The Tuinkabouter smiled. He decided to let it rest and went inside with the others.

The Tuinkabouter cackled and started to glow…

~*~

S@n-ch@n: MWAHHAHAHA! Evil cliffhanger! Anyway… Here's a contest for you:

Guess my brother's age!

^_^ I think that's nice enough for a contest…

I hope you enjoyed! Leave us a review and guess my brother's age!

The winner gets the next chapter dedicated to him/her!

Thihi… Please guess he's five years old… I want to see the look on his face! I'm mean, ain't I? Yes I am. Sometimes… ^^;; Anyway…

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER OF THE EVIL TUINKABOUTER!

And press the button…

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	3. Would They Bare His Child?

Sn@ke: And hello again, my dear fans and friends! This time we are going to start serious on the story and don't argue so much as last chapter. Right, sis?

S@n-ch@n: Yup… And since I'm colouring my picture… My brother will be writing a big part of this chapter. ^_^ (And because he complained about having written to little… After I checked it… I ehm… Partly agreed on that ^_^)

Sn@ke: For now we stopped the war between Bro and Sis and we will write this chapter in peace *holds a baseball-bat behind his back*. I will show you all I can write much more than only fights. Here comes a QUIET CONVERSATION!!!!!!! *huge fireworks go off while Sn@ke starts writing*

****

The Evil Tuinkabouter

__

Chapter 3

Kagome lead Sango, Miroku and Inuyasha into the house.

"For a change I can show you my house", Kagome said, "unlike the Sengoku Jidai this house is one hundred percent youkai-free."

"Is not!", Inuyasha replied.

Kagome looked back over her shoulder as if she was stung by a bee.

"Is too!"

After saying she glared at Inuyasha with a face like 'if you begin about that tuinkabouter again, I'll kill you'. Inuyasha just looked back with a face like 'is not anyway'.

"Let's just continue", Kagome continued, "Here we have the kitchen. In it we have some nice gadgets like the oven, the stove and something really handy what took at least 500 years to develop, else they would have made it earlier: the rice boiler."

"Hey, Kagome, what's this?", Sango asked.

"That's a microwave. It heats things up, but not like an oven, like those instant noodles."

Inuyasha was suddenly very interested in the microwave.

"Here you have a slice of birthdaycake."

Kagome gave everybody a slice of the birthdaycake. The applepie was carefully cut in eight pieces.

"Hey, where's Inuyasha?", Kagome wondered, "Ah, probably playing with Souta or something."

When Sango and Miroku finished their slice of pie Kagome showed them the living room.

"Hey, Kagome, do you also have a microwave in the living room?", Miroku asked.

Kagome looked at the TV.

"No, that's a television. It shows a lot of things on the front."

Kagome turned on the TV to show the two how it worked.

"Hey, that's us when we got that shard from that youkai last week", Sango noticed.

"Does it always show what we have done?", Miroku asked

"No, you can switch from channel with the remote. In Dutch called an 'afstandsbediening', but I won't deal further about that word (AN: that would make the story to educational). Here, try it."

Kagome gave the remote to Miroku. After fucking up the brightness and contrast and setting the volume on it's maximum he finally got the hang of it. After zapping through some channels he stopped at a certain channel.

"What's that?", he asked

Kagome got a twitch in her right eye and a big anime-sweatdrop appeared on her head.

"That, Miroku-sama, is the porn channel…"

"Oh", Miroku looked from Kagome to the TV again, "would those girls bare my child?"

In a split second Sango took out her Hiraikotsu and smashed Miroku to the floor.

"O…kay…, let's get back to the kitchen."

The three went back to the kitchen where Inuyasha just had returned.

"Hey, Inuyasha, where were you?", Kagome asked.

"I was searching for those yellow things."

The microwave gave a short ring.

"Ah, they're finished", Inuyasha said with a big smile.

Inuyasha took the noodles out of the microwave. Kagome sighed and turned around. When she looked at the table she noticed there were only 4 pieces of birthdaycake lying on it.

"SOUTAAAAA!!!! DID YOU EAT A PIECE WITHOUT ASKING?!"

Souta came running from the other side of the house.

"What's wrong, nee-chan? I didn't do anything."

Sango looked at the table.

"There's nothin' wrong here. There were 8 pieces and we ate 4."

"No, that baka over there needed something else", Kagome said with a bit of anger.

She pointed to Inuyasha who was just eating the last bit of ramen out of the plastic cup.

"Hey, yeah. Now where did that 4th piece go to?"

~*~

Sn@ke: There! Not bad for a guy, ey? Now you can have the keyboard, sis. I'm finished for this chapter. You like it?

S@n-ch@n: Hai! It's cool… Ok… Figure something interesting San-chan…

Sn@ke: OK, this scares me, my sister actually LIKES what I type… Anyway, give it your best shot, sis.

~*~

Suddenly they heard a scream from the living room…

"AH! That's DISGUSTING!"

"Ah, I'm sorry for our cat. I guess he ate something that his stomach didn't like…"

Kagome heard this little bit and had an idea where that piece of cake went.

"BUYO!!!" she yelled and paced back to the living room. "You stupid cat! Go outside… NOW!" she said and grabbed the cat to place it outside the backdoor, in the garden.

"I'm so sorry. He's just stupid like that! I'll go clean it." she apologised to the adult guests that were having a conversation with her mom before Buyo started throwing up.

"Ah, no Kagome, I'll clean it. It's your birthday after all, and you're having friends over!" her mom told her and went with her to the kitchen to get a wet towel or something to clean the mess.

"So did your cat eat the 4th piece of cake, Kagome-sama?" Miroku asked. 

"I figure he did… I don't think he'd start throwing up his usual meals, they're supposed to be good for him, with the right vitamins and all other good stuff that's in it…"

"Well, I guess that solves it. That cat gets weirder by the day, don't you think, nee-chan?" Souta replied. 

"Hai…" Kagome said -_-; "I don't know why we still keep him here…"

"Well, he actually was the reason why you met Inuyasha!" Souta said with lights in his eyes, "Wouldn't want to miss that!"

"Of course not… Ya don't know what life is 'till you meet me…"

"Inuyasha…" Kagome started, sending a warning glare at Inuyasha, but he didn't get her and went on.

"I'm just your angel!"

While Kagome was thinking about 's'-ing him, this comment just made her laugh.

"ANGEL! HAHA THAT'S A GOOD ONE!"

"What?" Inuyasha said confused by her sudden shout-out.

"HAHAHAHA!" Kagome was still laughing…

"Keh!"

Kagome went closer to him and stated, "My demonic angel!"

"Whatever… I was just joking ya kn-" he stopped in the middle of his sentence 'cause Kagome was examining him from head to toe.

"What do you think you're doing wench?!"

"Well, you _could_ be an angel… Your white/silver hair looks good enough, and your amber/golden eyes match the picture too. However…"

"Keh, WHAT EVER!"

"…Your curses totally get you back to being an earthling."

All the while Shippo, Sango and Miroku were chuckling at the scene… Inuyasha and the word angel just didn't quite fit together… *snicker*

What they didn't know was that outside, Buyo encountered the Tuinkabouter, while wandering through the backyard. His hairs raised when he felt the evil aura around it…

Something wasn't quite right with it…

…And Buyo was sure it weren't only the pieces of birthdaycake he thought he saw around its mouth…

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Well that was cool I thought! But if the Tuinkabouter ate the piece of birthdaycake… What was wrong with Buyo's digestion? FIND OUT! NEXT TIME!

Sn@ke: Ehm… I think I am getting a bit confused here. I actually don't have any idea what lil' 'nee-chan is thinking of now. I guess I have to wait too 'till next time o_o

S@n-ch@n: BTW I think I have an idea for a new fanfiction, I'm gonna write it by myself (be glad) and the basics will be based on a book I read. Though it'll not follow the storyline completely, that is… Anyway, before I start on it I'm gonna make a schedule (for a change) 'cause I need to figure out which of the main characters of the book are gonna be Inuyasha-tachi and which characters I'll make up. And the scenes and chapter ranging… The book is 600 pages… So that's why I need to figure out things before I'm gonna write something. ANYHOW this has nothing to do with the Tuinkabouter, so I guess this was it!

And… We have a winner of the contest!

My brother has just turned eighteen. *rolls her eyes* Not that it looks like it though ^_^

ChristyKay guessed 17, so I guess that counts 'cause at the time he was still 17.

And… I guess you all were pretty close (too lazy to check all the reviews… ^_~)

JA NE!

And please review… (And ChristyKay… I hereby give you permission to review as much as you want ^_^ I enjoy your reviews!)


	4. Soil, Be My Strenght!

S@n-ch@n: Hello minna-san! I'm back! Yeah… _I_ am back, for my brother isn't here… at the moment. So I'll take advantage of the situation and will write the most this chapter ^_^

Sn@ke: … Not here…

S@n-ch@n: See? ^_^ ^_^

****

The Evil Tuinkabouter

__

Chapter 4

Buyo quickly ran away from the weird, mysterious aura that lingered around the Tuinkabouter. It chilled him to the bones; he was sure there was something seriously wrong with the garden-gnome.   
  
As he stopped, panting by the front door, he realised he couldn't get back in. Kagome had shut the door. The lazy cat decided all possible effort to get back in would be useless and so he made himself comfortable in front of the door, and fell asleep. 

His stomach hurt so much, that he couldn't even sleep.

And he swore to himself that he'd never sip from a puddle of spilled, brown, bubbling stuff again.

(S@n-ch@n: Explanation: he had some Coca Cola and is now sick… So that's why he had to puke ^_~)

~*~

(S@n-ch@n: Ahh… Writersblock sucks… Yes, I've just become aware of that… -_-;;)

"Guys, I guess I'll show you my room then!" Kagome exclaimed.

"Keh… Sure…"

"Inuyasha, _you_ already know what it looks like… Maybe the others would like to know too…"

"Inuyasha… You sneaky- You been in her room?" Miroku winked to Inuyasha.

"Shut up, you perv! Of course I've been in her room, I had to drag her back multiple times!"

"Ah… Inuyasha! You are such a nitwit! You've had several opportunities and you only came to drag her back… *nods his head* If I were you I'd-"

"Shut the f*ck up, houshi! I'm glad you're not me! Now go and grope Sango or something!"

"Ah… I don't think that's a good idea Inuyash-" Sango started, but stopped to whack Miroku off of her butt, "YOU HENTAI! DON'T YOU EVER LEARN!?"

"Ah, Sango-chan, Miroku-sama… Please, I don't mind but my mother's guests might get weird thoughts…" she said, trying to calm those two. Not only was she worried about the guests, Sango's Hiraikotsu had only missed the wall, some vases, a couple of paintings and the standing clock with barely a millimetre.   
  
"Gomen, Kagome-sama. I'll try to behave properl-" Miroku started, but as always his hands led a life of their own…

"HENT-" Sango started to yell, but remembered Kagome's comment and hissed, while twitching with her right eye, "If you ever touch me again I'll be sure you won't be able to do ANYTHING for a whole week *glare* understood?"

"Ye-yes… But your beauty is so irresistible…"

"Cut the crap, Miroku…" Inuyasha stated, while they finally were up the stairs. Kagome opened the door to her all-familiar room.

"Well, this is my room, then."

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Ah… Just when you NEED a bro for ideas, he's not here to bother you… -_-;;

*keys turn in lock*

*familiar, sinister footsteps*

*door opens*

Sn@ke: hey, sis! How's life?

S@n-ch@n: Speak of the devil…

Sn@ke: Watcha doin'? *reads screen* *looks at sis* *eyes are red with anger* *smacks sis in the face* 

S@n-ch@n: *goes flying through the room*

Sn@ke: Do you really think they have standing clocks in average Japanese homes? STANDING CLOCKS ARE DUTCH!!!!! Or at least European…

S@n-ch@n: Who cares? We are also using a tuinkabouter!!!! So what the f*ck does it matter?!!

Sn@ke: *ties sis to the microwave* (Hey, we have it standing here in the computer-room and it's the only heavy thing which I can tie a rope to) (by the way, haven't used it for 4 years…) (wonder what the inside looks like…)

~*~

"Ah, Kagome-sama, this is a nice room," Miroku said, "It has a nice girl's scent"

Sango wanted to take out her Hiraikotsu and smash Miroku on the head, but hesitated. It wasn't that big of an insult and also the guests might hear it. Besides, she found Miroku's face looked cute from the angle she was looking from. (Yes, my people. Sn@ke is creating a sub-plot. I'll show you I can do more than only battles.)

Inuyasha stayed at the doorway.

"Keh, this room isn't even big enough for us all and Sango's Hiraikotsu!"

Kagome looked with a glare to Inuyasha. She wanted to scream 'Osuwari' to him, but again the guests might hear it and she just continued.

"Anyway, this is the desk I make my homework on when I'm home, this is the bed I usually sleep in before Inuyasha wakes me up and there's a standing clock which tells me the time…"

Kagome tilted her head a little to the side.

"Hey, what the fuck? I don't remember a Dutch or European standing clock in my room."

Miroku looked at the clock.

"Ehm…this looks like youkai influences, but there shouldn't be any youkai in this time."

"Hah! I told you it smelled like youkai here," Inuyasha grinned.

"Kagome, what is that in your backyard?" Sango yelled.

"It looks like my tuinkabouter…"

__

What's this I feel?

Kagome put her hand before her mouth and gasped.

"He…He has a Shikon shard in his puntmuts!"

Inuyasha ran to the window.

"If he has a shard we can fight him. Let's get him!"

Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango jumped through the window. Inuyasha ran to the tuinkabouter and began shouting at him. Kagome was still in her room.

"It's a bit high to jump *sweatdrop*."

Miroku looked at Inuyasha.

"Kagome-sama, Inuyasha is busy. I'll catch you!"

"Okay, here I come!"

Kagome jumped through the window and was caught by Miroku.

"Thanks, Miroku-sama. You can catch me more often…"

Then Kagome felt something on you-know-what-place and she smacked Miroku in the face.

__

I knew it, let a big bro at the end of his puberty write a story with me in it and get in this kind of situations.

She ran off to Inuyasha.

~*~

Sn@ke: I can't resist the temptation of looking in that microwave. Sis, move over a little. *tries the door-button* *Microwave refuses* Darn, still closed. OK, let's continue.

~*~

"Where did you get that Shikon shard?" Inuyasha yelled at the tuinkabouter.

"I found it, I tell ya!"

"You liar, you stole it!"

Kagome got to Inuyasha.

"Mellow down, Inuyasha. He might be a youkai, but he might be as harmless as Shippo."

(Now I think about it, where the hell is that little guy? I guess my sis and I forgot him. Just imagine he was there all the time and he liked the lollypops Kagome gave him more than the cake or something…I don't know.)

"I didn't steal it, I found it at that girl's room!"

"So you did steal it, you midget!"

"I'm no midget, I am a tuinkabouter!!!"

The tuinkabouter shot an energyblast towards Inuyasha. Inuyasha was barely able to dodge it.

"So, woman, do you really think he is harmless?"

"Sorry, Inuyasha, LET'S GET HIM!"

Kagome took out her bow and arrows while Inuyasha took out his old blunt sword and made it transform in that real cool Tetsusaiga we all know. Also Miroku and Sango (and Shippo too, I guess) took on their fighting stances.

"Oh, so you're gonna fight this little tuinkabouter?", the tuinkabouter said.

He started to laugh maniacally and then suddenly put on a serious face.

"I've chosen the appropriate Soil for the likes of you!"

The tuinkabouter took out some sort of gun-contraption and a whole belt with coloured bullets.

"The essence of all that is cheap, bright red!"

A red bullet entered the contraption.

"The scent of carelessness of every Dutchman, diamond white!"

Another bullet entered the contraption.

"The flexibility of water that endangers the land, dark blue!"

The last bullet entered the gun.

"Heat up, summoned creature… Four-years-not-in-use Microwave!

The gun fired and out of a lot of smoke and light appeared our microwave. Since my sister S@n-ch@n was tied to it she must be there too (ah, the peace and quiet I now have at this computer) (And I can't be there, because I have to write this story) (Wish I could be there, I like fights).

"Hah, the best summoning I had since last month! Look what I've summoned! They will fight with me against you. You guys are in big trouble!"

The tuinkabouter started to laugh again.

~*~

S@n-ch@n: YAY! I'm at the battle scene! I always wanted to do my part in a fight! ^_^ And by the way, for those of you who didn't immediately recognise the "Soil" it's from Final Fantasy Unlimited ^_^ That scene comes back every episode and we were on sugar high so we put it in… XD

Sn@ke: Man, you're lucky to be at that fight. Wish I were there… Anyway, See you next chapter! And don't forget to review it, or I'll come with the Tetsusaiga to your house.

S@n-ch@n: You can't yield _THE_ Tetsusaiga… Only Inuyasha can do that! ^_^ And he's so friggin' cool when he does that… AH! I need more eps! I (we) are currently downloading ep 67 and 68 and it goes soooooo slowly! ;_; Anyway, those are my personal problems… You guys should just review for this chapter (that was extra long, by the way) and tell us what you think! Hm, you know, at the start of this chapter I said that I'd write the most… And then my brother comes home and makes this chapter extra long! ;_; Next chapter I hope to be writing more! 

Click the magic button and Inuyasha will be your slave for two weeks! *grin*

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	5. Don't KILL Me! oO

S@n-ch@n: Hello again! Oh My GOD! WE´RE SO POPULAIR! ^_^ Anyway, we're BACK! I'm gonna write the first part (as usual it seems) so let's begin!

Sn@ke: Good, now I can have some sleep. *closes eyes* ZZZZZZZZZ

S@n-ch@n: What the… I'm not that boring am I…? -_-

Recap:

"Hah, the best summoning I had since last month! Look what I've summoned! They will fight with me against you. You guys are in big trouble!"

The tuinkabouter started to laugh again.

****

The Evil Tuinkabouter

__

Chapter 5

"THEY?!! I don't think I ever agreed fighting against my favourite anime-characters!" San-chan exclaimed.

~*~

Sn@ke: Grzz…huh? HEY! WHAT THE FUCK? You can't say that! You're typing here on the keyboard!

S@n-ch@n: Yeah sure. That's what I told you last chapter so I would be alone at the battle-scene ^_^ (I don't know if we typed it or not but I told him he'd be writing so he couldn't be at the scene… I'm a mean little bitch ain't I?)

Sn@ke: yeah…but…Ah, who cares. I'll go back to sleep. Wake me up when you're finished and it's my turn. *closes eyes again* Grzzzzzzz…

S@n-ch@n: O_O He sure is ehm… Sleepy today… Well better for me! Wake him up… Yeah right!

~*~

"Hey, I thought I summoned the Microwave, not a hyperactive-rabid-fan-girl!"

"Well, maybe this fabulous fanfiction-writer was tied to this four-years-old-microwave by an evil villain, called Nii-chan!"

"Anyhow, it doesn't matter. Microwave will destroy you all anyway!!!"

"HA! We'll see about that!" Inuyasha said, while running at the Tuinkabouter.

"Microwave! Shield me!"

"WAIT A SEC! I'm still tied to this thingy!" San-chan screamed while pulling at the cord. Biting didn't help either, so she was dragged along while the Microwave got in front of the Tuinkabouter. 

Inuyasha sprinted towards the midget (I'M NOT A MIDGET! I'M A _TUINKABOUTER_!) and got ready to attack him, swinging Tetsusaiga back, in order to pull it back with all of his power. Just when he was about to destroy the Microwave, Kagome stopped him.

"Inuyasha! OSUWARI!"

****

BAF

His face hit the dirt. And hard.

"WHAT THE HELL YOU WENCH! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"

"You'll kill the authoress who POSTS this! Don't you think that's a little… inconvenient?"

"Whatever! I don't care about the stupid girl!"

While Kagome and Inuyasha were arguing and San-chan was wining because of Inuyasha's comment, the Tuinkabouter told the Microwave to attack.

"FOUR-YEAR-OLD-PIZZA!" Microwave yelled, while opening the door… A green and white fluffy substance came pouring out!

"AND DON'T YOU THINK I'LL- What the hell is THAT?!" Inuyasha wondered, his comment with Kagome queued for the moment.

"HAHA! It's the deadly Fungus of the Microwave! You won't survive!" the Tuinkabouter exclaimed, while cackling evilly. 

"It looks like sno~o~ow!" Shippo screeched, while going on and on about how fuzzy snow was and how fun it'd be to lie down in the snow and move your arms and legs…

"It smells like… Pizza… EWW GROSS!" Kagome screamed, realising what the 'snow' was.

"This freaks me out… It smells so BAD!" Inuyasha stated, while putting the sleeve of his haori against his nose, "Kagome, where is the Shikon Shard located?" he hissed.

"In his puntmuts! I told you before!"

"Well then, when the youki collide…" Inuyasha said, waiting for the moment to achieve his goal. 

He ran towards the Microwave and dodged the Pizza/Snow-attacks of the Microwave. When the time was right, he'd attack him fully…

"KAZE NO KIZU!" Inuyasha used the power of his sword when he was right in front of Microwave. While Microwave dissolved into thin air he rushed right ahead and got the element of surprise. He sliced the puntmuts in two and Kagome came running to get the shard that was flying through the air. But the Tuinkabouter wasn't easily to be defeated… In a flash he grabbed the Shikon Shard and disappeared…

San-chan looked burnt. Her hair looked like a Christmas tree…

"Inuyasha… Why'd you hit it like that…" she whined… It wasn't fair!

"Hey! He's heading towards the temple!" Miroku yelled, when he got sight of the 'disappeared' Tuinkabouter.

"Oh Kami… He's using Kitsune magic!" Inuyasha sighed.

"HEY! What's wrong with Kitsune-magic?" Shippo said, heavily offended by Inuyasha's words.

"It's irritating! And you'd think it'd do some harm… But no!"

"Kagome… He's pestering me!"

"Inuyasha…" Kagome hissed to the hanyou.

"Keh! What EVER! Let's go get that Tuinkabouter! He's probably in the Feudal Era by now!"

They all ran up the path towards the shrine, hoping the Tuinkabouter was still in sight when they'd get in the Sengoku Jidai. Kagome crushed the doors open and jumped in the well, Inuyasha right behind her. Sango first whacked down Miroku, then threw him in the well and jumped after the houshi. Shippo felt really left out of the story but decided he'd jump in as well. San-chan followed her idol, as a rabid-fan-girl should, and also because she really needed revenge for her hair… And her skin was all… burned black… -_-#

When they got out of the well there was… Nothing. The forest seemed as peaceful as could be, the Goshimboku's leaves rustled slowly in the wind. Sakura blossoms floated through the air and the sun was shining. No sign of an evil tuinkabouter… The group sighed, and sat down to consider and discuss what they'd do now. 

"And that friggin little midget got away…" Inuyasha sighed, heavily annoyed with this fact.

"We'll find him, Inuyasha, he can't be that far away!" Miroku told him.

"Yeah, and his legs are short! I'm sure he won't be able to waddle very far like that!" Kagome added.

"HEY!" San-chan and Shippo both exclaimed, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING SHORT!"

"Ehh… Nothing! Nothing, that wasn't meant as an insult!" Sango calmed them.

"Say Shippo, we should become a team!" San-chan whispered to the little Kitsune.

"That's cool! We'll show them what short people can do!" Shippo whispered back.

"Say, Inuyasha… you should be able to smell him, right?" Sango asked the half-demon.

"That's true! But at the moment *sniffsniff* I have a cold…"

And everyone instantly fell down anime-style…

Kagome began to rummage around in her backpack and finally got out what she needed.

"Ah, here it is! Nose-drops!" she exclaimed happily.

~*~

After some struggling Inuyasha had had his nose dropped (no, his nose didn't fell off… -_-;;) and was able to smell again.

*sniffsniff* "I smell… WHAT THE!" Inuyasha exclaimed in shock, his eyes wide with terror and anger.

"What is it, Inuyasha! What do you smell?" Miroku asked him, inpatient.

"AHH!!" Shippo screamed in shock, "IT'S SESSHOUMARU!!!"

~*~

S@n-ch@n: Ah, the agony… Sesshoumaru is here! And I'm not allowed to write it! My brother talked in his sleep… And I heard many ways of killing me pass the line…

Sn@ke: *snore* and then I'll cut you into pieces and… *snore*

S@n-ch@n: I think it'd be safe for me to wake him up… Else I won't be able to write ANYTHING _anymore_… *kicks sn@ke in his stomach*

Sn@ke: *gorgle*

S@n-ch@n: *bashes his head*

Sn@ke: HEY! I was awake already, you dwarf! You didn't have to hit me on the head! Do you know how much braincells die when you do that?

S@n-ch@n: I think that'd be close to zero…

Sn@ke: *Bashes sis on the head* SHADDAP! Let me see, where are we? *reads stuff* WHAT?! You wrote the whole fight?!!! *Bashes sis again* Man, somewhere I gotta get myself in this story…

~*~

A branch of a tree fell on San-chan's head and hurt her very much, because bro is jealous.

"Hey! I'm tougher than that!" San-chan shouted at the clouds in the air.

Then a spaceship crashed down on her. Then a herd of cows dropped on the spaceship and on top of that it all lit up in a big sea of flames.

scene switch

The Tuinkabouter rushed through the forest. He knew the Inuyasha group was tougher than he thought. Disguised as a blade of grass he wandered through the night. Then he bumped into a little green guy. The little guy fell over on his back.

"Ah, Sesshoumaru-sama! I have a weird grass halm here."

As usual Sesshoumaru just walked on. Rin looked over her back and ran to Jaken. She looked at the Tuinkabouter/grass halm wich now had a big anime sweatdrop. She picked up the grass halm and took it to Sesshoumaru.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, look what Jaken and I found! It's a moving grass halm."

Sesshoumaru looked at it.

"You're wrong, Rin. It's a Tuinkabouter disguised as a halm of grass."

"Zeg, Seshoumaru, biertje?" the halm of grass said.

Seshoumaru raised an eyebrow and gave the grass halm a hard punch which made it change back to the Tuinkabouter.

"Het weer van eergister is niet meer wat het was op het asfalt", Sesshoumaru replied.

"Oh, dus ik geloof dat mijn inlegzooltjes op mijn brood zitten…"

"Zoals gewoonlijk zal een grote pot mosterd weer de uitkomst bieden."

"Maar wat doet mijn inlegkruisje dan tegen vulkaanuitbarstingen?"

"De vermoeide fietser dronk een schaapje asfalt met Shikon Scherven."

The Tuinkabouter and Sesshoumaru looked at eachother as if they agreed. They turned their backs to eachother and went their own way.

"Seshoumaru-sama? What was that all about? What was that language?" Rin asked.

Seshoumaru said nothing and just walked on.

"Ah, so those Dutch lessons finally paid off. The magnificent Sesshoumaru-sama knows practically every language on earth!"

The fluffy group went on with no new information, but the Tuinkabouter sure had some new strategy's…Inuyasha and the others and that sister would really get some problems…

~*~

Sn@ke: F*CK! The chapter is already finished. I want to be there too! Ah well, I get there someday. Ey sis? Anyway, I go back sleeping again. Oyasumi!

S@n-ch@n: So do you wanna know what they said to eachother? Do you? OF COURSE YOU DO! Leave your email addy, and I'll send the english translation to you! ^_^ So don't forget to review!


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